THE SCENARIO: It is July 2016. Manchester United have stunned the football world by naming Derek Lee as their new manager, instead of former Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho. The appointment of The Special One had been so widely expected that superstars Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Paul Pogba had already agreed to sign for the club. Instead, they will now be playing for the unknown Lee, as he tries to take them back to the top of English football. Will his reign be full of trophies like the legendary Sir Alex Ferguson? Or will he prove to be out of his depth like the hapless David Moyes?

Previous episodes: Episode 1

Prefer a different European league? Read our other series here: England – Premier League, France – Ligue 1, Germany – Bundesliga, Italy – Serie A, Spain – La Liga

1 August 2016

As the holders of the FA Cup, we begin August by playing the reigning Premier League champions Leicester City at Wembley in the Community Shield. We then kick off the new league season away to Bournemouth before hosting Southampton and visiting Hull City. It’s imperative that we win these early matches as we have tougher ones to come in September and October.

Meanwhile, there is some bad news for James Wilson who has broken his leg in training and will be out for four months. It’s a huge blow for the lad, as we were all hoping he would have a good loan spell this season to force his way back into first team consideration for next season.

7 August 2016

Manchester United vs Leicester City

Griezmann makes his first appearance in a Manchester United shirt today. He’ll start wide right with Mkhitaryan on the left, Zlatan up front, and Rooney in the no. 10 role. Herrera and Pogba are the central midfield pairing, while Rojo’s impressive pre-season form earns him a start alongside Smalling in central defence. De Gea, Shaw, and Valencia complete the line-up.

Leicester stick to their usual gameplan of sitting back and trying to hit us on the counter. It actually works quite well for half an hour until Pogba opens the scoring. Herrera then smashes in a second before half-time despite Danny Simpson trying to stop it with a deliberate handball. Amazingly, the United old boy isn’t even booked. Griezmann gets his first goal for the club early in the second half and we’re cruising. The only negative on our day is Rooney getting himself sent off for a stupid lunge on Simpson with half an hour remaining.

It’s always nice to win a trophy but I’m not getting too excited just yet. After all, David Moyes won the same trophy and never won anything else after that.

12 August 2016

Leicester are interested in signing Jones, and while he isn’t Duncan Edwards, he’s a decent player when he’s fit. Also, his facial expressions are bloody hilarious so I decide to keep him for that reason alone. Speaking of hilarious, Fellaini is the subject of a bid from Crystal Palace. The Belgian gets a lot of stick from the supporters but I’ll give him a chance this season.

Smalling meanwhile is wanted by Real Madrid for some reason. Haven’t they learned not to buy English defenders after the Jonathan Woodgate experiment? Mike was one of our best players last season though, so I won’t be letting him go.

The last bid is a pathetic £13 million offer for Marcus Rashford from Monaco. I ask Ed Woodward if we can respond to their offer with an email that just says ‘LOL’ but he thinks we shouldn’t piss them off just in case we want to buy some of their players in the future. Spoilsport.

We are also informed by the FA that we will be playing Fleetwood Town away from home in the 2nd round of the EFL Cup on August 24th.

14 August 2016

Bournemouth vs Manchester United

Our first match of the league season sees us travel to the south coast to take on Bournemouth at the Vitality Stadium. Their manager Eddie Howe is a young English manager like me. Unlike me, he is actually quite highly rated so he must be wondering how on earth I’ve managed to land this job. That makes two of us, Eddie.

Rooney is suspended for this one thanks to his red card against Leicester, so I bring in Martial to play on the left and shift Mkhitaryan into the no. 10 role. Other than that it’s the same team that started at Wembley.

We get off to the perfect start when Pogba places a low shot past former United keeper Tom Heaton, who is making his debut for the Cherries. Mkhitaryan then scores twice before half-time to extend our lead and Griezmann grabs his first league goal 15 minutes from time. A great start to the season then with three points, four goals, and a clean sheet.

19 August 2016

Top of the league! Yes I’m fully aware that Moyes’ Manchester United were also top of the table after his first league match. But the way we swept aside a decent Bournemouth team certainly bodes well for our next match. The new guys gelled quite well in attack while we also looked solid in defence. As for me, I’ve been speaking to the players individually to build our relationships. Here’s one of them now. It’s David De Gea. He must be here to tell me how excited he is for the next match…

…ah f**k.

20 August 2016

After a night of screaming, crying, and learning how to swear in Spanish, I’ve calmed down enough to understand why De Gea might want to leave. We’re not in the Champions League and the only thing he has won in the last three years is one FA Cup. Still I’m absolutely puzzled as to why he wouldn’t want to play for me, the only Manchester United manager ever with a 100% winning record.

Rather predictably, Real Madrid put in a bid of £60 million, while PSG come in with an even better offer of £75.5 million. Both offers would be world records for a goalkeeper but I’m not interested. If they want him they’ll have to break the transfer record for any player, period. I think about demanding a stupid amount like £175 million to annoy them but I settle on £95 million instead.

21 August 2016

Manchester United vs Southampton

With the speculation around De Gea, I’m tempted to bench him in favour of Romero. I decide to take a calculated risk by playing him in the hopes that the supporters can convince him to stay. The rest of the line-up is unchanged from the side that beat Bournemouth. Rooney is back from suspension but will have to make do with a place on the bench.

A frustrating first half ends goalless but Zlatan opens the scoring with his first goal for us after the break. Southampton then put us under pressure before the big Swede gets the all important second goal in the 72nd minute. Substitute Rashford then crashes in a brilliant volley in the 88th minute to seal victory. There is still time for the Saints to get a consolation when Shaw forgets that he no longer plays for them and diverts a cross into his own net.

After the match Mata tells me he’s worried about being sold after our summer signings of Zlatan, Griezmann, and Mkhitaryan. I assure him that’s not the case and that he still has a role to play here. Also I enjoy reading his blogs and how he signs off each post with ‘Hugs, Juan’. I ask him if he wants to hug it out but he says we don’t know each other that well yet.

24 August 2016

Fleetwood Town vs Manchester United

The EFL Cup is the least of our priorities this season but I can’t really afford a loss to Fleetwood Mac of League One this early in my tenure. My assistant politely informs me that Fleetwood Mac are a band and we’re actually playing Fleetwood Town. Even though big clubs normally play a mixture of youngsters and reserves for these matches, I’m going to go my own way and name a strong side for this one.

I make eight changes from our last match with only Rojo, Pogba, and Martial retained from the side that beat Southampton. Rooney returns to captain the side, lining up behind Rashford who replaces Ibrahimovic. Bailly finally makes his debut alongside Rojo in defence.

Some dogged defending by Fleetwood sees us struggle to create much in the first half and I wonder whether an upset is on the cards. Thankfully, Rashford eases those concerns with a clinically taken brace in the second half to send us through to the next round. He might’ve even scored a hat-trick but missed a great chance towards the end. It finishes 2-0, not quite the landslide victory that some of our fans were predicting but an end to their fans’ dreams of an upset.

I receive even better news after the match, as both Real Madrid and PSG have been put off by my demands for De Gea and have decided to end negotiations. I honestly thought they would drag this out until the end of the transfer window, but I’m not complaining. My only concern now is whether De Gea is going to react badly to this news.

27 August 2016

Hull City vs Manchester United

We travel to newly promoted Hull City for our next league match, looking to maintain our perfect start to the season. The Tigers have started the season brightly under their new manager Marco Silva, collecting four points from their first two matches.

I revert to the same line-up that took care of business against Southampton which means a recall for De Gea. To his credit, he hasn’t moaned about the collapse of his move and is still working hard in training.

A brilliant volley by Pogba from outside the box gives us the lead in the 3rd minute. We then create plenty of chances to put the game away but are foiled by Hull keeper David Marshall. In the second half Pogba goes off with a serious looking injury and Hull almost grab a scarcely deserved equaliser at the death. Smalling loses possession in a dangerous area but De Gea manages to divert Dieumerci Mbokani’s shot over via the crossbar. Marshall comes up for the ensuing corner, but we gain possession and substitute Rashford uses his lightning pace to run the ball into the empty net. Spurs’ defeat in their match today means we are the only team remaining with a 100% record in the league.

My worst fears are confirmed after the match as I find out Pogba has broken his ankle and will be out for three months. It’s a huge blow as it means he’ll miss big matches against Manchester City, Liverpool, Chelsea, and Arsenal.

31 August 2016

Transfer deadline day arrives and while I briefly consider buying another midfielder after Pogba’s injury, I decide to place my faith in the players I already have (Don’t make me regret this, Marouane).

No new bids are received for De Gea, but there are plenty of keepers on the move elsewhere. Thibaut Courtois moves from Chelsea to Barcelona and is replaced by Jan Oblak of Atletico, who then sign Bernd Leno from Bayer Leverkusen.

Screenshots and videos taken from FIFA 17 by EA Sports