THE SCENARIO: It is July 2016. Manchester United have stunned the football world by naming Derek Lee as their new manager, instead of former Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho. The appointment of The Special One had been so widely expected that superstars Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Paul Pogba had already agreed to sign for the club. Instead, they will now be playing for the unknown Lee, as he tries to take them back to the top of English football. Will his reign be full of trophies like the legendary Sir Alex Ferguson? Or will he prove to be out of his depth like the hapless David Moyes?

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1 July 2016

Ed Woodward has organised a meeting to discuss the objectives for the new season. I still can’t believe Manchester United have hired an English manager. All the big clubs tend to hire foreign managers, which is what City and Chelsea have just done. Perhaps Ed thought hiring an English manager would help balance all those ridiculous global sponsorship deals he put together? Seriously what football club needs a global mattress and pillow partner?

The board explain that they want us to win the Premier League, the FA Cup, and the Europa League this season. A club like Manchester United should always have high expectations, but after the last three seasons I was expecting them to cut me some slack. I was wrong.

At least the transfer budget is more than decent, with a whopping £163 million available. Maybe those global sponsorship deals aren’t so bad after all. Have I told you how much I love sleeping on my Mlily (official partner of Manchester United) mattress and pillow?

Manchester United Squad

(*) indicates new signing

Goalkeepers: David De Gea, Joel Pereira, Sergio Romero

Defenders: Eric Bailly*, Daley Blind, Matteo Darmian, Tim Fosu-Mensah, Phil Jones, Marcos Rojo, Luke Shaw, Chris Smalling, Axel Tuanzebe, Antonio Valencia

Midfielders: Michael Carrick, Marouane Fellaini, Ander Herrera, Jesse Lingard, Anthony Martial, Juan Mata, Henrikh Mkhitaryan*, Paul Pogba*, Ashley Young,

Forwards: Zlatan Ibrahimovic*, Marcus Rashford, Wayne Rooney

Loaned Out: Cameron Borthwick-Jackson, Adnan Januzaj, Sam Johnstone, Andreas Pereira, Joe Riley, Guillermo Varela

Available for Loan: DJ Buffonge, Tosin Kehinde, Demetri Mitchell, Kieran O’Hara, Regan Poole, Devonte Redmond, Matthew Willock, James Wilson

Despite the decent depth in this squad, I can’t help but feel that my attacking players either lack pace (Zlatan, Rooney, Mata) or may lack the consistency required to challenge for trophies (Martial, Rashford). We might bring in a pacey, experienced attacker if the right deal can be found.

I also ponder buying another defender as Phil Jones and Marcos Rojo haven’t really lived up to expectations since joining the club. However, I don’t want to make too many changes in my first window so I might give them until January to prove themselves.

7 July 2016

I accept a few loan offers for our younger players, hoping that a season of regular football will aid in their development.

Matty Willock heads to Shamrock Rovers in Ireland while Tosin Kehinde and Devonte Redmond will join Doncaster and Coventry, respectively.

13 July 2016

To prepare for the long season ahead, we’ll be participating in the Asian Elite Cup pre-season tournament in Japan. We’ve been drawn in a group with J-League sides Sagan Tosu and FC Tokyo as well as German giants Bayern Munich. The top two in the group will qualify for the semi-finals.

Meanwhile, there are rumours that Atletico Madrid may be willing to sell their star forward Antoine Griezmann, the top scorer of the recently concluded Euro 2016. The Frenchman was also named the best player of the tournament and Atletico appear ready to cash in.

An initial bid of £65 million is swiftly rejected by the Spanish side who demand £109.5 million. Despite us having already signed Paul Pogba for a world record £89 million this summer, Ed is more than happy to pay it and break the transfer record twice in the same window. I tell him that this is the dumbest thing he has said to me since ‘You’re the new Manchester United manager’ and point out that we wouldn’t even be the first team to do it. Real Madrid already did it in 2009 when they signed Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo. He loses interest in the idea and sensibly submits an improved offer of £75 million instead.

16 July 2016

Manchester United vs Sagan Tosu

Our first match of the tournament sees us sweep aside Sagan Tosu in a straight forward 4-0 win. New signings Mkhitaryan, Ibrahimovic, and Pogba all score in the first half and Rojo adds another in the second half. While it’s only a pre-season match against inferior opposition, it’s still pleasing to see three of our new signings get on the scoresheet. Rojo’s performance is also a pleasant surprise.

19 July 2016

FC Tokyo vs Manchester United

The second group game sees us take on another J-League team in FC Tokyo and much like the first game there are plenty of goals for the fans to savour. In the first half, teenage prodigy Rashford scores a brace to set us on our way to victory. Then, in the second half Martial, Pogba, and Fosu-Mensah get on the scoresheet to give us an emphatic win. The result means we are in the semi-finals along with Bayern and our last group game against them will determine who tops the group.

21 July 2016

The day before our match against Bayern, I am informed by Michael Carrick that he is contemplating retiring at the end of the season. This news isn’t all that surprising considering he will turn 35 this season but I tell him to take his time to think it over.

Meanwhile, there is good news as Atletico Madrid have accepted our improved bid for Griezmann. We quickly conclude contract negotiations, agreeing on a salary of £160k per week with the player. He is handed the iconic no. 7 shirt last worn by the not-so-iconic Memphis Depay. I’m ecstatic with the signing and I hope that he will become a legend in the shirt like Best, Robson, Cantona, Beckham, Owen, and Ronaldo.

With Griezmann on his way, I allow a few more youngsters to leave on loan. Kieran O’Hara joins Crewe Alexandra while Regan Poole and Demetri Mitchell join Bradford City and MK Dons respectively, all three on season-long deals.

22 July 2016

Manchester United vs Bayern Munich

It might only be pre-season, but the match against Bayern is a good chance for us to see how we measure up against an elite team. I name a strong side but sadly Carlo Ancelotti has other ideas and names a weakened XI. They still dominate the opening exchanges though, and we’re fortunate as Arjen Robben hits a penalty against the post after a foul by Valencia. Mkhitaryan opens the scoring with a lucky goal in the first half before Ibrahimovic seals victory in the second half after a mix-up between Tom Starke and Rafinha following a corner. The result means we top our group and play Roma in the semis, while Bayern face PSG in the other semi.

24 July 2016

Manchester United vs Roma

The match against Roma conjures up memories of that 7-1 win in the Champions League a decade ago. While today’s match doesn’t have as many goals, we still win comfortably with Rashford and Lingard the standout performers. Lingard provides two great crosses for Rashford’s two first half goals, while Herrera also gets on the scoresheet. Roma’s best moment in the match is a thunderous strike from Radja Nainggolan that crashes off the post with Romero well beaten. It finishes 3-0 and we’ll meet Bayern in the final after they beat PSG in their semi. I expect they’ll play a stronger team in the final than they did in our earlier clash.

26 July 2016

Bayern Munich vs Manchester United

As expected, Bayern name a much stronger line-up for the final. Xabi Alonso forces De Gea into a save before Robben then hits the post with a low shot. Against the run of play, we take the lead in the 37th minute through Ibrahimovic. The goal lifts our confidence and we test Manuel Neuer with some decent efforts but are unable to add a second goal. Our wastefulness almost costs us in the final minute but Douglas Costa puts his header just wide. It might only be pre-season but we’ve managed to win all our matches without conceding a single goal, so there’s definitely some momentum to build on heading into the new season.

Screenshots and videos taken from FIFA 17 by EA Sports